Breaking News?

People Magazine has Clay Aiken on the cover of next week's issue. Clay is talking about his new baby and the fact that is is GAY.

Yep, he's out.

Now, we all knew this, say about three years ago?

How many is too many.

How many Barbies can one family have. I just picked up the last Barbie shoe from the girls room and counted. We have 34 Barbies, that includes Barbie Mermaids and Man Barbies.

Do you count them as a whole Barbie if they are missing a limb?

And why are they always naked? We have LOTS of Barbie clothes. We even got new Man Barbie clothes. I think they are from the Kevin Federline section of the Pimp your Man Barbie clothing line. Hoodie sweatshirt, big white RUN DMC unlaced plastic shoes, sagging pants.

Escalade and Crack pipe not included.

The Grinch took it.

Lets go back to last December. I put the girls to bed and then my husband and I took down the Christmas tree. It was a real tree. (FREE to military families!) So when we finished with the ornaments, we took the tree outside and put it by the road. The garbage truck came early the next morning so there was no evidence of a tree.

That morning, the girls woke up and the little one asked where was the tree. She kept asking and asking so I just said "The Grinch took it". We had been watching the Grinch video the entire Holiday Season so it was the first thing that came to mind.

Well, if I had known the chaos that statement would cause, I would have told her the snow fairy took it.

She told everyone we met "THE GRINCH TOOK MY CHRISTMAS TREE." The lady at Target, the Mother's Day Out teacher, random people on the street, our waitress at LuLu's.

She was totally freaked out by the fact that her tree was gone. Maybe it was the fact that the Grinch was in her house and she didn't invite him... I don't know.

She is still telling people that The Grinch too her Christmas Tree.

SO, since my husband will be deploying to Afghanistan before Christmas, I am on the search for a large, fake Christmas tree. I am also going to make a HUGE card and put on the box.

Guess what the card will read?????

Merry Christmas
From the Grinch!

Second Grade Spelling Test

I was checking the homework file and found the spelling test for this week. One of the words was worried. She spelled it WHORED. At least he handwriting was neat.

Breaking News from Vegas

They are picking a jury for the OJ hotel football memorialabeila heist.

Just thought I would let you know. Since there are only two, maybe three people in left in the United States that give a shit about the double murderer.

MONDAY!

I am looking forward to Monday.

The Dog Funeral was nice and sweet. Kind words for a loyal dog. We are going to plant a nice fruit tree near him and put his collar on the tree.

No, I don't want a dog anytime soon. I think I want to wait until we are finished potty training the little one and THEN worry about house breaking a puppy.

It's going to be lonely in the backyard.

Our Dog Died.

It's a very sad time around our house. Our Chocolate Lab, Jeb, died sometime today. We were in Destin and when we got back this evening, I sent the 10 year old out to feed the dog, just like she does most evenings. I knew things were bad when she came into the house screaming and crying. She said Jeb wouldn't move. When I checked on him he was definately gone.

Then I called the husband. He is still in Destin, fished today. Fishing tomorrow. He had me walk out and check on the dog again. He assured me that it would be ok if we just cover the dog for the night. He's close to 100 lbs. I can't move him by myself. Going to have the dog funeral tomorrow afternoon.

I truly believe that he knew Hurriane Ike was coming this way and knew he wouldn't be able to make the evacuation trip so he passed on to God's great marshland.

Now, I am able to find the humor in all things, this included.

The oldest was crying and asking about a funeral. She wanted to know "who all is coming to the funeral". Just like a true southern girl. Then we all circled up around the dog and gave him one last ear rub and covered him with a sheet. Then we said a prayer and each said something nice about the dog. At that time the oldest asked if we could ask the Priest at church tomorrow to say a prayer for the dog. Then the middle one asked if they could ask Father Mike to pray for the dog at Morning Devotions Monday. I assured them that it would be ok to ask them.

Now, I just had a question from the middle one. Where are we going to bury him and when we move, how will we move him. When I told her we would not move him, she cried and said "what if the people who buy our house don't take care of him?".

It's going to be a long Sunday.

And I was the only one this evening who DIDN'T drink.

Lord have mercy.

Ike and Tina

I have officially renamed the next hurricane to F#@k up my life. I am now referring to the storm as Ike and Tina.

Can you think of two other Crackheads who could come into your life and screw it up? I didn't think so.

So, now I am watching this storm. I don't want to wish any more heartache on the State of Louisiana, but damn, I don't want any part of an evacuation.

So Ike and Tina need to take their big winds and Keep on Blowing all the way to Texas.

Bitch Moan Complain

Evacuees not happy with their shelter. OK, what's your option? Save money so when you have to evacuate again, and it will happen again, you can afford a hotel room. Maybe get a job and save some money to buy a car.

Here's something new. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. Ever heard of it? Oh, your from New Orleans, that explains it.

GIMME GIMME GIMME. Maybe they can find Blanco and she can make them some Peanut Butter Sandwiches.

Nothing short of a free car, free 4 star hotel and free hot meals will do.... of course, they will find something to complain about. Not enough free shampoo, needed more towels.... it's always something.

Proud to be a Baby Daddy.

People never cease to amaze me. Driving the girls to school this morning I got behind a late model chevy suv. There was a spare tire on the back with a personalized spare tire cover.

This one had two sentences on it. It said. "I put it in my wife" "I'll keep it in my life." The first sentence was around the top of the wheel. In the middle was a photo of a 2-3 year old African American boy. Then the second sentence was under the photo.

What the hell? I put it in my wife. I'll keep it in my life.

That's a new one. Proud of NOT abandoning your kid.

That's why I am voting Republican!