Paint

OK, the next time I decide to paint rooms in my house, someone beat me with a stick. I had painters come and paint the walls in the living room, dining room, foyer and kitchen. All the same color. It looks great. I decided I could paint the hallway. It has 6 doors to paint around. I hate painting. NOW that I have painted the hallway, the bathrooms need work. SO.....

I have removed the border from the hall bathroom and I am waiting for a new shower curtain. Black and white toile shower curtain. Since the other rooms look great, I now have to paint the bedroom of Petite Picasso. Soothing Celadon is what I am leaning toward. SO.....

I am off to Home Depot again. More blue tape, roller with an extension stick. Where is the drive through drink store!

It's Official.

I am 38 years old and officially a resident of the State of Florida. It's a sad day.

I love Louisiana. I love the pine hills of North Louisiana. I love the marshes in the Southern part of the state. I love the wide rolling rivers. I love to laugh at the freakshows put on by incompetent politicians. And I cried when I watched New Orleans under water.

We kept our residency status long enough to help elect a new governor. Now it's up to you, you crazy muther truckers. Citizens of the State of Louisiana. We will be back. So until then, keep the politicians in check. Demand that roads, schools and public services improve.

Demand accountability.

Demand Responsibility.

Attention all Politicians, Prostitutes and Prophets

Stop F@*#ing Around! PLEASE! We are sick of your "prostitute press conferences". Please no more "extramarital affairs Q&A". How about no more T & A? Or, maybe control the PDA?

To the present and future Mayors, Governors, Senators and Representatives, I have some very important information for you. THIS WILL NEVER TURN OUT POSITIVE. It always looks bad and you will always look like an idiot.

Pretty Woman is a movie. NO prostitute EVER looks like that and I feel save to assume that you are no Richard Gere.

Wake up! It's a digital, wireless world. EVERYONE has a cameraphone. Mother's turn in their offspring for $500 to crimestoppers. A hotel clerk will sell you out for MUCH less.

How about thinking of how your children will handle this information. Do you really think that no one will say anything to them at school.

Wise up Fools. Your 15 minutes are almost up... tick, tick, tick....

Another reason why NOT to have a threesome.

Maybe because when your husband is Governor of New Jersey, exposed in a Gay sex scandal and forced to retire, it may come back to bite you in the ass (no pun intended) during the divorce and custody proceedings.

Toilet Trauma

I thought toilet trauma was when my niece won't sit because the water is blue. Or when my little one won't sit on the little potty becase it's to pretty and pink to put poop in it.

Now we have all learned that toilet trauma is when you sit on the toilet for 2 years and it has to be surgically removed from your ass.

I know you all read this story, or saw it on the news. I don't understand people. Maybe that's why I am not a psychiatrist. It's like those people you would see on those ER shows who show up and say they have pain in their foot and when the doctor looks at it, the whole thing is black and rotten. Damn, people. I get nervous when I smash my finger and the nail bed bruises. How on earth do you look at your entire foot, turning black and not say, "hey, that just does not look right".

Kind of like the couple in the trailer. Who lets their girlfriend sit on a toilet for two years? I don't even want to know more about this. It's too sad and scary.

Oh Elton! Where ARE you.

I am so upset. I have tickets to see Elton John tonight and he has postponed his concert for a month. He is sick. Now I am sick. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house tonight.

I have been singing his songs all week. The girls have learned their parts of Don't go Breaking My Heart. The little one can't say alligator or crocodile so she calls the song Dagger Dagger Rock.

The all tell me to stop dancing, I am embarassing them. Well, I'm not exactly a tiny dancer.

Ballet Brawl

I have two ballarinas, ages 10 and 7. So graceful in their black leotards and pink tights. Swan like with their hair pulled back.

Not the case yesterday.

I parked the Blue mama van on the street in front of the Ballet Studio (on the 3rd floor). The 2 year old is napping in the car and she NEEDS her nap. I asked 10 year old to walk the 7 year old down the street and up three flights of stairs to the studio. Simple, yes? No. The 7 year old does NOT want her sister's help. I am well aware of that, but she needs someone to walk with her. We have this same discssion every week.

So, they start walking down the street. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her. 7 year old stops and backs up. 10 year old backs up too. 7 year old slings her large pink dance bag (full of ballet and heavy tap shoes) and hits 10 year old in the arm. 10 year old grabs the arm of 7 year old and spanks her.

By that time I am furious. I had watched this in the rearview mirror of my car. I get out of the car and the process starts again. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her...... you get the picture. This is on a city sidewalk outside the Little Theater.

10 year old did manage to get 7 year old to dancing class. I was waiting on the sidewalk when 10 year old walked up and the first thing she said was "I didn't do anything".

I had a nice conversation with 7 year old in her dancing class and I feel sure that the threat of a spanking in front of her entire ballet class is enough to get her attention.

We will see what happens next Monday afternoon.

God help me!