Torture?

I don't know about you, but I would much rather be tortured by being held naked in a cold cell, kept from being fed, handcuffed and slammed against a wall (United States approved methods) than beheaded (Islamic extremists approved methods).

How about the terrible psychological technique that was approved but never used ...... putting a detainee with a fear of insects into a box filled with caterpillars (United States)..... OR.... hung and burned in public (al Qaida).

But that's just my opinion.

Right Wing Extremists Ice Water Teas

I can't tell you how excited I am to learn from the Department of Homeland Security that, upon returning from Afghanistan, my husband could be recruited by Right Wing Extremist Groups. Apparently, they want to "capitalize on the violent capabilities" of returning Veterans. Woo HOO! Because those 4 years of College, 4 years of Medial School and 6 years of a General Surgery Residency have given him the "skillz" necessary for being an extremist.

You know, I am sure that while my Navy Surgeon husband is reattaching that kids leg and when he is elbow deep in someone's belly, he is thinking about what extremist group to join. Geez, so many choices.

It's like Extremist Sorority Rush! Do we want to go with the Christian Coalition or the Aryan Nation. Decisions, Decision!

Wow, thanks for the heads up, Janet! While you are sticking violent labels on people how about these?

Why don't you follow up on that report with the one about how the Central American teens in abject poverty are in danger of falling in with the incredibly violent MS13 Gang.

I wouldn't want to label poor black kids as possible Gang recruits just because they stand on the street corner, wear baggy jeans, listen to rap music. I am sure that the Drug Dealers only target the kids that stay in school.

How about the Left Wing Environmental nuts that burn car dealerships and housing developments? How about the Nation of Islam? Has anyone checked into your local Mosque? Or would that be discriminatory?

So, if anyone can tell me where to get a list of these extremist groups, I would like to start weeding out the "non-desirable" ones for my husband. When he gets home he can have a short list of choices that can use his violent military training.

Maybe they have a spouses group that I can join too.

The floating shoe

I am still laughing about my afternoon!

I helped at the 2nd Grade Easter Party today. I was working on activities for the kids since we were NOT going outside due to the terrible weather. I was trying to get out of the school before the bad weather hit, but didn't make it. Once the rain stopped I gathered the older two girls to make a dash across E. Wright Street to pick up Camille from Mother's Day Out.

Well, the water rushing down the street was ankle deep and when I took my second step my shoe goes floating down E. Wright. I started laughing. Mary Frances took off and retrieved my show..... and everyone in carpool got a good laugh. God it was so funny. Both the girls were laughing. One of those funny Mommy/Daughter moments.

If I had lost the shoe I guarantee I would see a one legged hobo wearing it next week.

Renaissance Faire. Renaissance Fair.

Oh my. It was an adventure. I just have to say that if you are a belly dancer and are pregnant, add a few veils. I also have to say that if you are tatted from neck to navel.... you may scare the smaller children. I don't care how great you can gyrate your hips. If you have a kneeling 40's pinup on your shoulder and a six inch butterfly and large ivy on your lower back, kids will freak. Seriously, this chick had no less than 25 tattoos... and she was weaing a long skirt. I couldn't see anything from her lower hips to her ankles. She could have had an Iguana covering her entire left leg.

When I read the flier about the fair I was hooked. It said "Pirates, Jousting, Fire Breathers, Falconry, bellydancing and much, much more". Sounded more like a fantastic Gay Bar than a Renaissance Fair... and I was going to go.

The fire breathers and the sword swallowers were freaky, but I was intrigued. I wanted to ask how long you had to practice. How many years? This can't be your only job. The lady, Tarot, swallowed a 23 inch sword... which promptly received comments from the men. One reveler yelled "Yeah, now that's a Lady". Yep, it was an interesting day. One camel ride, two face paintings and a jousting exhibition later we were still looking for the falcons.

I couldn't help but laugh at the guy selling Pirate Pickles. Insert dirty joke here.

This was my first Renaissance Fair, but it won't be my last. It was not at all like the Renaissance Day we participated in during my Senior Year in High School. It was soooo much better. I found a Friar, a Squire and someone who could have been the Wife of Bath. Mrs. Parker-Schaffer-Martin would be proud that I remembered those characters... that nutty freak of a teacher.

The Jousting was fantastic. Real armour. Huge horses. Wooden jousting poles that broke and flew into the air. One landed about 5 feet from us, prompting my 11 year old to say "MAMA, THIS IS VIOLENT". God love her.

So yes, we will back next year. Hopefully the belly dancer will have given birth. The girls are already planning their wardrobe for next year. Maybe I will go as the Wife of Bath.... or a Nun.

Fiscal Responsibility

The Government is telling people to cut back, don't buy what you can't afford.... WTF? They are like the Wino who drinks himself into a stupor and then wakes up and says "It's time for rehab". Just to go out the next night and drink again.

Spend, Spend, TAX, TAX, TAX, SPEND.....

Who wants to be an entrepeneur? Who wants to work hard so 40% of their income goes to government programs.

Yes, you did.... Change in our pockets going to pay for another bailout.

Church Candles

Last Sunday I picked up Camille from the Nursery and took her up for Communion. She has been telling me she is ready to eat one of those "church white cookies". When Church was over and the choir was processing out I pointed out to her that Father Neal and the Cross and the Candles were going to be coming up the aisle. She was standing on the pew so she could see. I happened to look at her when the candles were coming by and that little girl tried to blow them out. They had glass globes on them so she was not successful, but the last few rows of Christ Church Episcopalians got a good laugh.

The Boss

I still think that Bruce Springsteen looks like Tom Jones.