I am 38 years old and officially a resident of the State of Florida. It's a sad day.
I love Louisiana. I love the pine hills of North Louisiana. I love the marshes in the Southern part of the state. I love the wide rolling rivers. I love to laugh at the freakshows put on by incompetent politicians. And I cried when I watched New Orleans under water.
We kept our residency status long enough to help elect a new governor. Now it's up to you, you crazy muther truckers. Citizens of the State of Louisiana. We will be back. So until then, keep the politicians in check. Demand that roads, schools and public services improve.
Demand accountability.
Demand Responsibility.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Attention all Politicians, Prostitutes and Prophets
Stop F@*#ing Around! PLEASE! We are sick of your "prostitute press conferences". Please no more "extramarital affairs Q&A". How about no more T & A? Or, maybe control the PDA?
To the present and future Mayors, Governors, Senators and Representatives, I have some very important information for you. THIS WILL NEVER TURN OUT POSITIVE. It always looks bad and you will always look like an idiot.
Pretty Woman is a movie. NO prostitute EVER looks like that and I feel save to assume that you are no Richard Gere.
Wake up! It's a digital, wireless world. EVERYONE has a cameraphone. Mother's turn in their offspring for $500 to crimestoppers. A hotel clerk will sell you out for MUCH less.
How about thinking of how your children will handle this information. Do you really think that no one will say anything to them at school.
Wise up Fools. Your 15 minutes are almost up... tick, tick, tick....
To the present and future Mayors, Governors, Senators and Representatives, I have some very important information for you. THIS WILL NEVER TURN OUT POSITIVE. It always looks bad and you will always look like an idiot.
Pretty Woman is a movie. NO prostitute EVER looks like that and I feel save to assume that you are no Richard Gere.
Wake up! It's a digital, wireless world. EVERYONE has a cameraphone. Mother's turn in their offspring for $500 to crimestoppers. A hotel clerk will sell you out for MUCH less.
How about thinking of how your children will handle this information. Do you really think that no one will say anything to them at school.
Wise up Fools. Your 15 minutes are almost up... tick, tick, tick....
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Another reason why NOT to have a threesome.
Maybe because when your husband is Governor of New Jersey, exposed in a Gay sex scandal and forced to retire, it may come back to bite you in the ass (no pun intended) during the divorce and custody proceedings.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Toilet Trauma
I thought toilet trauma was when my niece won't sit because the water is blue. Or when my little one won't sit on the little potty becase it's to pretty and pink to put poop in it.
Now we have all learned that toilet trauma is when you sit on the toilet for 2 years and it has to be surgically removed from your ass.
I know you all read this story, or saw it on the news. I don't understand people. Maybe that's why I am not a psychiatrist. It's like those people you would see on those ER shows who show up and say they have pain in their foot and when the doctor looks at it, the whole thing is black and rotten. Damn, people. I get nervous when I smash my finger and the nail bed bruises. How on earth do you look at your entire foot, turning black and not say, "hey, that just does not look right".
Kind of like the couple in the trailer. Who lets their girlfriend sit on a toilet for two years? I don't even want to know more about this. It's too sad and scary.
Now we have all learned that toilet trauma is when you sit on the toilet for 2 years and it has to be surgically removed from your ass.
I know you all read this story, or saw it on the news. I don't understand people. Maybe that's why I am not a psychiatrist. It's like those people you would see on those ER shows who show up and say they have pain in their foot and when the doctor looks at it, the whole thing is black and rotten. Damn, people. I get nervous when I smash my finger and the nail bed bruises. How on earth do you look at your entire foot, turning black and not say, "hey, that just does not look right".
Kind of like the couple in the trailer. Who lets their girlfriend sit on a toilet for two years? I don't even want to know more about this. It's too sad and scary.
Oh Elton! Where ARE you.
I am so upset. I have tickets to see Elton John tonight and he has postponed his concert for a month. He is sick. Now I am sick. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house tonight.
I have been singing his songs all week. The girls have learned their parts of Don't go Breaking My Heart. The little one can't say alligator or crocodile so she calls the song Dagger Dagger Rock.
The all tell me to stop dancing, I am embarassing them. Well, I'm not exactly a tiny dancer.
I have been singing his songs all week. The girls have learned their parts of Don't go Breaking My Heart. The little one can't say alligator or crocodile so she calls the song Dagger Dagger Rock.
The all tell me to stop dancing, I am embarassing them. Well, I'm not exactly a tiny dancer.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Ballet Brawl
I have two ballarinas, ages 10 and 7. So graceful in their black leotards and pink tights. Swan like with their hair pulled back.
Not the case yesterday.
I parked the Blue mama van on the street in front of the Ballet Studio (on the 3rd floor). The 2 year old is napping in the car and she NEEDS her nap. I asked 10 year old to walk the 7 year old down the street and up three flights of stairs to the studio. Simple, yes? No. The 7 year old does NOT want her sister's help. I am well aware of that, but she needs someone to walk with her. We have this same discssion every week.
So, they start walking down the street. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her. 7 year old stops and backs up. 10 year old backs up too. 7 year old slings her large pink dance bag (full of ballet and heavy tap shoes) and hits 10 year old in the arm. 10 year old grabs the arm of 7 year old and spanks her.
By that time I am furious. I had watched this in the rearview mirror of my car. I get out of the car and the process starts again. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her...... you get the picture. This is on a city sidewalk outside the Little Theater.
10 year old did manage to get 7 year old to dancing class. I was waiting on the sidewalk when 10 year old walked up and the first thing she said was "I didn't do anything".
I had a nice conversation with 7 year old in her dancing class and I feel sure that the threat of a spanking in front of her entire ballet class is enough to get her attention.
We will see what happens next Monday afternoon.
God help me!
Not the case yesterday.
I parked the Blue mama van on the street in front of the Ballet Studio (on the 3rd floor). The 2 year old is napping in the car and she NEEDS her nap. I asked 10 year old to walk the 7 year old down the street and up three flights of stairs to the studio. Simple, yes? No. The 7 year old does NOT want her sister's help. I am well aware of that, but she needs someone to walk with her. We have this same discssion every week.
So, they start walking down the street. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her. 7 year old stops and backs up. 10 year old backs up too. 7 year old slings her large pink dance bag (full of ballet and heavy tap shoes) and hits 10 year old in the arm. 10 year old grabs the arm of 7 year old and spanks her.
By that time I am furious. I had watched this in the rearview mirror of my car. I get out of the car and the process starts again. 7 year old runs ahead. 10 year old runs to catch up to her...... you get the picture. This is on a city sidewalk outside the Little Theater.
10 year old did manage to get 7 year old to dancing class. I was waiting on the sidewalk when 10 year old walked up and the first thing she said was "I didn't do anything".
I had a nice conversation with 7 year old in her dancing class and I feel sure that the threat of a spanking in front of her entire ballet class is enough to get her attention.
We will see what happens next Monday afternoon.
God help me!
Gotcha - with your pants down
Well, it has happened again. A politician has been caught with a hooker. It's not really that shocking anymore. Old white men holding a press conference to attone for their sins. I'm sorry. I won't do it again.... translation I'm pissed I was stupid and got caught. It happens now, a lot.
My problem is that I don't understand the political wife. The Hillary Clintons, Wendy Vitters and Silda Spitzers of the world confuse me. Your husband has admitted to the public that he has had an affair with a prostitute/intern and you show up at the press conference with this man. Standing there, beautifully dressed, perfectly coiffed wearing your triple strand of pearls.
What the F#@k is wrong with these women. Maybe I'm just not that nice. If I were one of these women I don't think that attending my husband's "I'm so sorry, (Jimmy Swaggert) I have sinned" press conference is part of my duties as a wife. Working with a therapist, family and couples counseling, absoutely. Standing next to him looking like a sad puppy. Hell, NO!. He got himself into that mess. He didn't need me then. He won't need me now, in front of the cameras.
Honestly, the press and 99% of the American women would love me. Everytime he says "I'm sorry", I am quite sure I would smirk and roll my eyes. Followed by an under the breath "yeah, right" and an occasional "bullshit".
I don't expect my politicians to be 10 feet tall and bulletproof. They are human and make mistakes. I am not here to judge them. The public embarrassment and pain they cause their famlies is enough for me.
I just feel that anyone entrusted with making important decisions for the Cities, States and Federal Government should not be recklessly STOOOOOPID!
My problem is that I don't understand the political wife. The Hillary Clintons, Wendy Vitters and Silda Spitzers of the world confuse me. Your husband has admitted to the public that he has had an affair with a prostitute/intern and you show up at the press conference with this man. Standing there, beautifully dressed, perfectly coiffed wearing your triple strand of pearls.
What the F#@k is wrong with these women. Maybe I'm just not that nice. If I were one of these women I don't think that attending my husband's "I'm so sorry, (Jimmy Swaggert) I have sinned" press conference is part of my duties as a wife. Working with a therapist, family and couples counseling, absoutely. Standing next to him looking like a sad puppy. Hell, NO!. He got himself into that mess. He didn't need me then. He won't need me now, in front of the cameras.
Honestly, the press and 99% of the American women would love me. Everytime he says "I'm sorry", I am quite sure I would smirk and roll my eyes. Followed by an under the breath "yeah, right" and an occasional "bullshit".
I don't expect my politicians to be 10 feet tall and bulletproof. They are human and make mistakes. I am not here to judge them. The public embarrassment and pain they cause their famlies is enough for me.
I just feel that anyone entrusted with making important decisions for the Cities, States and Federal Government should not be recklessly STOOOOOPID!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Project Runway
I loved this season of Project Runway. If you didn't see it then you really missed out. The designers were great. They were entertaining, but I like to see what they would design. Some of the things were fantastic... or fierce.
I can't wait for next season.
I can't wait for next season.
Momnesia
Recently I read where Moms of young children have been noticing that their memory is "fuzzy". They will walk into a room and forget why. They will drive to a store and not know why. I thought it was just lack of sleep. Maybe the Hannah Montana Marathon has fried our last functioning brain cell left over from college.
I am beginning to wonder if there are not subbliminal messages in the annoying tunes of Dan Zane's House Party. You think he's a funny Kramer-esque guitar playing guy, but he is really using music to control your mind. You think it's a kids song, but the message that lands in your brain says "Yes, your child needs another Barbie" and "we know it costs more, but our Mac and Cheese is cheesier".
Now, I need to go to the store and pick up some things... that I can't remember.
I am beginning to wonder if there are not subbliminal messages in the annoying tunes of Dan Zane's House Party. You think he's a funny Kramer-esque guitar playing guy, but he is really using music to control your mind. You think it's a kids song, but the message that lands in your brain says "Yes, your child needs another Barbie" and "we know it costs more, but our Mac and Cheese is cheesier".
Now, I need to go to the store and pick up some things... that I can't remember.
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